David Worley's blog

Wake Up from the Pain

Wake up!

Have you ever heard someone say "pinch yourself, you'll stop thinking about the pain" when you're hurt? I have.  Well that works sometimes.  Kind of like snapping you out of a dream.  What about when it's not a dream and the pain is real?  Well, sure ice works. It brings down swelling. What about when there is no swelling?   Then the ice turns into that "pinch yourself" idea.  Sure it takes away the pain while it's there, it numbs your skin.  Sure, it hurts because it's so cold. But take it away and guess what?  You still hurt.

Pain meds don't work.  Prescriptions don't work.  You can't mix the various prescriptions with regular pain meds like aspirin, ibuprofen, and tylenol because they all conflict.  Nothing works.

It's just pain.  Sitting hurts.  Laying down hurts.  Rolling over hurts.  Standing hurts.  Getting up hurts.  Sometimes even breathing hurts.

Can this much pain be real?  Sure I've felt worse pain but never this much.  I've felt more intense pain but it always subsides to a dull ache.  This hasn't subsided.  So what do I do now?

How do I cope?

Waiting...

Painfully waiting...

Will the next Doctor tell me something different?  Will he help me?  Will the treatment be more effective than the pain medication?  Is there a treatment?  Or is the treatment simply more and more pain medications?  How long can this go on?

Waiting...

Waiting to wake up.

Hope

I wrote this as a project for my English 101 class at college.  The assignment was to write a single paragraph, defining a word. 

We were given a list of words to choose from and mine was hope.  I was rather pleased with how my essay turned out, though I have yet to receive a grade for it, as it was only collected today.  However as I said, I was pleased with it's result so here it is.

Hope 

            Martin Luther King Jr. can be quoted to have said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  Hope is never to be left out of one’s span of emotional response, and logical ability to reason.  Mr. King was an extraordinary gentleman, filled with immeasurable passion and hope.  He suffered a great deal, and sacrificed his own livelihood for the betterment of our society.  There is no better display of hope than to die for it.  Hope can be defined as “A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” The word hope is only traceable back to Germanic roots, apparently originating from the word hopian, or hop, referring a leap of great expectation.  Hope is not only the idea that something better may lie ahead, but it is the concept that we can envision ourselves in a different state, be it emotional or physical, than we are presently.  In this way, hope can function as a direct representative of our imagination.  As children, we imagine we are in a fantasy world filled with dragons and monsters, we may even hope that we are.  As we grow up, we begin to lose those imagined dreams, but continue to hope for difference and changes.  Perhaps in a perfect society hope would be unnecessary; in ours we need hope to remain sane.  Hope does not replace the necessity of hard work or effort to achieve the change, but it does inspire the motivation we often need to make that effort.  Our aspirations may one day be for naught, but until then we must proceed, and hope to see our dreams carried out to the end. 

Gay-Bashing-Awareness

So, I know I'm just sort of jumping on the band wagon here, because it's recently gained so much media attention... We ALL know about the various suicides related to gay bashing, discrimination, highschool/teenaged bullying recently. We should also all know that this is INTOLERABLE BEHAVIOR.

And yeah, we've heard this all again and again. It's a tragic story, and always ends tragically. And that's what gets it attention. But you know what? THAT'S NOT RIGHT. Attention should be given to the people who love, know, accept, and ARE OPEN about who they are! The media shouldn't need an uncanny number of suicides to draw attention to an issue. They shouldn't even need one suicide to have attention drawn. Nor one gay-bashing.

For people the BULLY homosexual, bisexual, transgendered individuals is utterly wrong. Bullying in ANY circumstance is utterly wrong. We're all guilty of it at least once in our lives, in one way or another, but that doesn't make it RIGHT! "Kids will be kids" excuse from parents is bullcrap too!

So is the "God hates gays" crap! I'm Christian. I believe that Jesus and God love EVERYONE. Homosexuality is not a SIN! You are born straight, or gay, it's not a choice! If it were a SIN then we would not be BORN THAT WAY. Throw any bigoted argument out there, be it based on religion, on science, on anything, and it can be shot down by FACTS of BOTH. 

Why should we need to bully people like this? Or bully anyone at all? These people are born to be who they are. Kids are raised to think differently, or they pick up these ideals based on their peer groups. At any rate, how is it appropriate for these BIGOTED ideas to take place at all? They're wrong. Sure, freedom of speech, right to opinions etc. But how can we allow someone's opinion to go so far as to FORCE YOUTH AND YOUNG PEOPLE INTO DEPRESSION SO EXTREME THAT THEY TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE? We can't. We shouldn't. But we do. This has to stop.

Parents need to stop poisoning their children with bigoted ideas. Religious "zealots" need to stop poisoning their followers and peers with "God hates gays" ideas. We need to stop spreading the hate. People! Realize this: Christian, most other religions, atheist, agnostic, no matter what, in general we all know that HATE is wrong, and that we should at least get along with our fellow person, right? So why the HELL are we spreading more hate than we are love? It's completely ludicrous! Spread the love! If you know someone who's gay, don't call them a fag. Don't even call someone who ISN'T gay a fag. It's disrespectful. If you want some inspirational videos, you should look up Wanda Sykes on youtube, there's an anti-hate commercial that she did on there. 

Also a great song focusing not so much on prejudice against homosexuality, but on the suicide of a teenager, is called "Nothing to Lose" by Billy Talent.

As for some action to be taken, personally, I've got an example. It's not a great example of spreading "love" because it was mildly vengeful, however, it was I believe, a decent example of standing up for EQUAL RIGHTS. One of the many groups on facebook now gaining thousands of members in support for Gay rights, was being flamed by a woman who claimed to be a gay basher. She allegedly assaulted a lesbian woman, and her friends helped and/or assaulted other gay men. She confessed and even bragged of this in a post bashing gay people on this group. Well, if you clicked her name you could view her profile and see that she's listed as attending Utah State University. I got a screenshot of the offensive post she made, and actually sent it TO the President and Vice president, among other staff at her university. At the very least, it may bring some awareness to what kind of bigots they have at their school so they can put into place better anti-hate groups. 

Nobody deserves to be hated. Everybody deserves to be loved.

Sorry for this random, super long, and disorganized rant, but I felt urged by God, and my heart to post my opinions on the matter. Comment if your comment is going to be respectful, or showing love for your fellow person! Otherwise, keep it to yourself!

How I see Myself

So I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day, and I don't know... the image I saw changed in the mirror, out of the corner of my eye. Like I saw myself as someone or something that I had never seen myself as. I don't know if that was a good or bad change, I've really no idea, but it was different. It inspired me to write tonight. Especially tonight, because I've been out of it most of the day, and I don't know why, my thoughts aren't wandering, it's just like I'm not here. No idea why. But anyway, I wrote, and this was the final product.

How I see Myself

 

I see myself differently now

I see myself now, not as I was then,

And not as I will be,

But as I am.

Not that I know what that is,

But I see myself differently.

As I gaze upon myself in the mirror,

The image transforms,

But does my opinion change?

Do my views evolve?

Has who I am, and who I was altered?

What is this new image I see?

What has happened?

Why the transformation?

The former was sufficient,

No need for something different.

I see myself differently Now.

 

David Worley, May 11, 2010

A Christmas Rant about Cell Phones

First of all! I would like to say Merry Christmas to everyone! Today is a day of peace, of joy, of family traditions, of new hope, of any and all positive thoughts and ideas, for any and all religions whether you celebrate Christmas or not. It's about the generalized spirit of things.

Christmas however, has been desecrated. In most house holds, there is at least one person who lacks the respect for what Christmas is. It's that time with your family maybe for some ONLY once a year, where you can enjoy each other - or at least try to in the name of Christmas - and where you try to be at peace, and just enjoy the atmosphere.
What these people who lack respect do however, is desecrate the meaning of Christmas by text messaging and talking on their cell phones the entire time. Whether it's twitter, their best friend from Ohio, their boyfriend who's still in bed, facebook, or someone overseas...

People today are spending TOO much time on their phones. And I don't say this because it's unhealthy. I say this because it bothers me. And Yes, I am guilty of it too, but not at Christmas. Christmas to me, is special. Why? Maybe because I have a separated family, so it means more. Maybe because I have a bone disorder so I know how special the good times can be when you're in a bad time. Maybe I am old fashioned for thinking this way in the "New World" of technology and cell phones, or maybe I'm not.

The point is, people are destroying the value that is "family time" at Christmas by using their cell phones to bring another person into it. Maybe a person who wasn't even invited. To me, talking on a cell phone, is like letting the person on the other end of the cell phone sit in the room with you, and just not include them entirely. It's to me like bringing another person into the room, into the activity, and when that person hasn't been invited by the host of the activity, well, it's just kind of rude to bring them without asking.

I won't mention anything specifically, but it's just something I've noticed is irritating me today. Maybe I have the wrong idea about cell phones, but I believe that there is a time and a place to NOT use cell phones constantly, and I think Christmas is one of them. Even if you only spend 15 minutes without it to open presents and tell your family you love them, that's better than texting the ENTIRE time!

So like I said, maybe I have the wrong idea, maybe I don't. I'm just stating an opinion, and sharing it with whoever chooses to read it. That's my Christmas rant for this year, tune in next year for my rant on: iPods! - I jest, I jest.

Have a happy holiday season everyone!
Sincerely,
-David

Edited In: I don't pretend to not be using my phone today, but during family time, eg. Christmas dinner, or family present time, etc etc. I haven't used my phone for anything other than pictures - none of which were even sent via email to any of my online accounts yet, simply saved on my phone.

The only thing I did, was a qik video to include a gift-giver of one of the gifts at my family's celebration in seeing the reaction of the recipient. Other than that, my phone was not a mobile device; it was a camera.

Correspondences with Senator Murray of Washington

So recently my American Government class received an assignment in which we were to contact our three representatives - two senators and our district representative - about any federal issue of our choosing, and write to them. It was not required to bring in a response, however, I felt that mine warranted further inquiry. As you read the content of the discussion, you will quickly understand why.  I will post them in chronological order. If more follow at a later date, I will continue to post them as well.

My original message:

                                                                                                                                                 11-18-2009

David Worley

a.david.worley@gmail.com

Senator Murray, I am contacting you because I am a newly registered voter, and have recently obtained the legal age of majority in the USA, and am interested in gaining information on various issues of controversy now that I am able to vote.  I did not exercise my right to vote in the most recent election, as I did not feel I was properly informed on the issues.  Be that as it may, to remedy this in time for the next election, I am writing to the current senators of my state - Washington - as well as my district representative, and am questioning them on issues and topics that I feel interest me, or are pertinent to me in such defining way that they may influence my future votes. 

I took the liberty of viewing your public voting record and noted that in 1996 you apparently voted “yes”  on an issue regarding the definition of marriage.  You define marriage as something between only a man and a woman.  My question for you is how is it fair of you to discriminate against people of homosexual orientation, and not allow them the privilege of being married?  That is punishing them for being homosexual, something they have no choice over.  What gives you or the rest of the Senate for that matter, the right to punish a group of people for something they have no choice over?  Equal opportunities, and equal rights should be available for all individuals on all levels.  My next question is how can you remain a member of the democratic party if you are going to vote in a conservative direction?  How can you remain a democrat when you know that likely a majority of democrats would look down their noses at you for having voted the way that you did? 

Respectfully, I do hope that you provide me with an appropriate explanation to my questions.  I sincerely hope I have not offended you with my statements or questions.

I remain truly exhilarated while anticipating your response.

Regards,
David Worley

Her first and only response so far:

Dear Mr. Worley:
 
Thank you for writing me to share your thoughts on health care reform.  It is good to hear from you.
 
I believe that health care reform is one of the most critical issues facing our nation.  Our current health care system is unstable and unsustainable.  Too many people do not have health care coverage and many of those who have coverage are worried about losing it in this uncertain economy.  Businesses and families are finding it harder and harder to deal with increasing health care premiums.
 
In addition, Washington state family budgets cannot sustain the continual rise in health care costs and hidden taxes in the form of rising premiums to cover the uninsured.  If we do not get health care costs under control, local, state and federal government budgets will have to take on the weight of rising health care costs.  While health care reform may require an initial cost investment, it will pay off in the long term and the cost of letting the system become more unstable is much greater.  Without reform to our health care system, premiums will continue to rise, coverage will become more uncertain, businesses will lose competitiveness, and it will be harder for Americans to have access to care.
 
To address these issues, the Senate released the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act on November 19, 2009.  This legislation lays out policy changes for health care reform in America.  This package works to rein in health care costs with a goal of lowering them in the long term and ensure that all Americans have access to high-quality, affordable health care coverage.  It allows those who like their health insurance to keep it and provides options to those who do not have access to health insurance coverage.
 
This bill also includes provisions to implement several key health insurance reforms.  For example, insurance companies would no longer be able to refuse coverage to individuals due to preexisting conditions, patients' out-of-pocket expenses would be limited and all annual and lifetime caps on insurance coverage would be eliminated.
 
In addition, an independent analysis by the Congressional Budget Office determined that this bill is fully paid for, will provide coverage to more than 94% of Americans, and will reduce the deficit by $127 billion over the next ten years.  This analysis shows the American people that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act saves money while extending the life of Medicare and putting patients first.
 
The House of Representatives passed their own version of health care reform on November 7, 2009.  There is still a lot of debate and work to be done on health care reform legislation and as the Senate moves forward on health care reform legislation, I will be weighing the many concerns that I am hearing from constituents all across Washington state.  As this effort continues, I will certainly keep your thoughts in mind.
 
For more information, the Senate health care reform bill can be found on my website at: http://murray.senate.gov/healthcarereform/
 
I hope all is well in Walla Walla.

Sincerely,
Patty Murray
United States Senator

My second message to her, in reply to her ignorance.

                                                                                                                              12-1-09
David Worley

a.david.worley@gmail.com

Dear Senator Murray: I recently wrote to you, concerning an aged topic, though still relevant to my interests, and decision making process, and that topic was the Defense of Marriage Act, of 1996. 

I questioned your right to prevent two people from being married, as well as your party membership in the democratic party. The issue I wrote on had absolutely nothing to do with the recent issues of healthcare and healthcare reform.

I am extremely offended that you have the audacity to respond to me when you have clearly not read, or taken into account what I actually questioned you on, and are instead informing me of your current views on healthcare reform.  It was entirely inappropriate of you to respond in this manner, and I currently expect your appropriate response to the issues in question.

The message you wrote to me as an initial response is attached, along with my original message.

Thank you for your continued consideration,
-David Worley

Today...

Today has been an inspirational day.

I first woke up, and went about my usual Sunday morning routine, coffee, and a shower, and prepared to go to Church with my Girlfriend, and our friends from the Youth Group.

I then walked my Girlfriend to where she works, where I dropped her off thinking that she would work for most of the rest of the day, and that we wouldn't have a lot of time together. At this point, I was informed by my mom that we had a visiting dog, and that we needed to take it to the Humane Society because we couldn't find its owner. I met this little dog and was astonished at how friendly, and well-mannered a dog it was. It was by far the happiest little mutt that I have ever met. I had the child-like hope that we would "get to keep the doggy please please please" although realistically I knew that we couldn't. However, it did rekindle my love for animals, particularly cats and dogs, and remind me that some day I hope to be able to own an entire zoo's worth of dogs and cats and take care of them all, and give them love and a home.

After having dropped the dog off at the Humane Society, I was informed by my girlfriend that she was actually given the rest of the day off. Alas some happy news! We picked her up from her place of work - Onion World, in Walla Walla - and we came home. Here we watched a cute movie, The Proposal, and enjoyed each others' company, thereafter walking to a local candy store called Brights and sharing a strawberry milkshake together. This was among one of my favorite dates, because while it was nothing too special, we spent so much time just talking, and enjoying each other, it was what I call perfection.

So after that we walked home, and with some brief conversation, I was told that I should read my mom and her fiance Ken's blog at www.stardustglobalventures.com

I read Ken's most recent post, and was very touched. I was touched to be called a hero. It's one thing for my mom, or somebody who I have known my entire life to call me a hero. While it matters to me, and I do appreciate ego-building comments, it's not necessarily as powerful as when it comes from somebody who hasn't been in your life since childhood. Ken's post stardust was thoughtful, and in a way humbling. I didn't realize that he thought of me like that. I appreciate his presence, probably more than anyone can guess, with as sarcastic as he and I are with each other. But I did not know that the appreciation was mutual.

I am touched that he has expressed such a feeling of me, and that he describes me in such a good light. Some days the banter between he and I is hard to distinguish between serious and joking. But that post told me that the banter is always joking. No matter what he and I say out loud, we seem to have come to a mutual appreciation, and maybe, even on some level, a loving friendship.

Ken came into my life at a point in time that I was very angry. I'm still angry some days. And I always knew that he'd never be the same father figure to me that Ron my step-dad was, but I always said we could be "friends." Never did I truly believe that until now though. I said it to keep my mom happy. I said it to keep the peace. But it's clear to me that what I said in a shallow connotation, has become true. Ken is a friend. A true friend.

And as I've always stated, Ken and I will likely never have a father-son type of relationship. But what we have now, is a friendship, full of love, inspiration, and idolization - if that's a word. And yes I did say a friendship full of love. Because while we may both be unwilling to on some level say the words "I love you" to each other - at least I am, because there's a barrier there for me still on some level because of circumstances - we do, I believe, love each other.

So this post goes to the day, the experiences, the love, and the inspiration.
To Emily, and to the animals of the world, both stray and domestic that need love and affection, and to Ken.

Love Endures

I feel like I should write this, because I believe that the world needs more articles like this. More stories like this. More events like this.

As I was walking with my beautiful, beloved girlfriend, along Main street, after having gotten a smoothie with her for our usual date, we crossed the street to the other side, and as we crossed, passed an elderly couple who were also apparently out on a date for coffee. They had their coffees in hand, and walked to the opposite side of the street. My girlfriend and I then proceeded to walk down the street, to a nearby bench and sit on it. What I didn't realize at first was that the elderly couple did the same thing, across the street.

Emily and I sat together on the bench on Main street, simply enjoying each others' company, occasionally exchanging our usual loving words, among other small talk – I find that when in love, you apparently always have something new to share in conversation – when I glanced across the street and noticed the elderly couple apparently doing the same thing that we were. I was shocked, and awed, by the sheer beauty of their love from across the street.

As I observed the elderly couple I saw that they were holding hands while sipping their coffee and presumably conversing with each other about the events going on in their own lives as Emily and I were ourselves. I watched, and I realized that while there are probably older people, who have been together longer than they have, that they are still a great example of love's endurance. One would presume that they have gone through many years of ups and downs together, but they have gotten through it. Hardship, and easy times, all the same, they have gotten through it, with each others' love to guide them through the different trials of life.

And as I see this, and all of these thoughts are going through my mind, I realize that I was meant to see this, that it shows hope for the future. Hope that love can and will endure many things, the good and the bad. Hope that one day it could be us on that side of the street. Maybe that is just the simple hope of a dreamer, but what would the world be today without dreamers?

Without dreamers the world would be bleak, nobody would have accomplished anything, and there would be no happiness to be found in the darkness at all. But as it stands today, even in the dark times that the world seems to be going through, a young couple on a date walking down the street can still witness an elder couple doing the same thing, sharing similar experiences, but with many more experiences in their past. Proof that love can endure. Proof that there is something to dream of, and hope for.

So, as I started out this, I wasn't quite sure how it would go, but I had some idea of what I wanted to say. I've said it, and as I said, I think the world needs more of this.

-David Worley

September 17^th 2009.

Conformity

Where amI?
I can't see!
Somebody help me!

I'm fading.
The lights,
They're dimming.
The darkness,
it's coming.

Unsure,
Uncertain,
Afraid.

The darkness,
it's here.
I've lost,
It's over.
I'm conscious,
Yet unconscious.
I'm thinking,
But I'm nothing.

I'm absorbed,
Into the darkness.
Floating with,
Countless other Nothings.

By A. David Worley Sept. 6th 2008

By the way, if you hadn't already guessed from the title, the poem's about conformity.

Summer Holidays.

So of course, it's summer, and holidays have begun.
I'm receiving my dose of pamidronate for these 3 days, as I should be. Bit of a hitch yesterday with it, as I was turned away, but today all is well.

Anyway, I'll be going to stay with my mom and Ken, and also at some point, with my dad and Jeanne. I'm leaving, on Saturday, immediately after my pamidronate treatment has concluded, given all goes well.

Anyway, I got some pictures today, so I'll upload them.

Just figured I'd throw a brief post together.

Anyhow, also like to comment that the nurse, Sheena, is very good at what she does, and makes this a lot easier.

Anyway, that's it. Seeya!

Sanity

May 9th 2008
By David Worley
    
Sanity
Sanity, and insanity,
Choice? Gene?
Sanity, normality,
Insanity, oddity.
Why such judgements?

How do you know,
If you’re going insane?
How do you know,
If you’re already there?
How do you know,
If you’re perfectly sane?
How do you know,
If you’ve always been sane?

Why,
Do I feel this way?
Why,
Do I think this way?
Why,
Do I act this way?
Why,
Am I this way?

Am I insane?
Am I imbalanced?
Am I unsafe?
Am I here?

Why?